Love the way you lie...

I have just seen the video for "Love the way you lie". Yeah I know I should have already seen it before now but hey.

I couldn't figure out for the life of me why I was watching it over and over. Suddenly it hit me. That was my life from 16-24. Add 2 small children and there was my life. I am far from being that person, but she is still in there. My abuse could have been worse, much worse, but it was still abuse. I think the verbal abuse is what hurt the most. It still does. I can still hear it. Never will it go away.

I am stronger now than I was then. I couldn't have done it without my sister or my best friend behind me. I wish my children never knew anything of it. They too are stronger as a result, but they too have scars. Scars much deeper than mine and for that I am deeply sorry that I let them endure even a second of it.

Talk the talk or keep putting it off...

Clarity is what I need. Talks I must have. Sorry if I am sounding Yoda-like but my BFF gives Yoda-like advice.

So there is the "I am not in love with you" talk, the "I need to know where we stand" talk and the ever popular " You are NOT my mother" talk.

Maybe I should start with the easiest. "You are NOT my mother". Very simply I am almost 40 years old and this is my house. I can have a relationship, adult in fashion, with whomever I choose. If I care to bring such person back to my home, this is my prerogative. End of discussion!

The other two talks are much more difficult. I think they may even require notes on index cards and tissues. These talks must be well thought out and without distraction. Oh my this is going to be difficult.

No more single digits

Baby #4 has now entered into the world of double digits. I can't believe a decade has gone by already, since I can remember watching "Survivor" the night she was born. Gervase was the one voted out that night, just in case anyone wants to know.

She has been the easiest going of all of my children. Don't get me wrong, she throws fits that would make anyone cringe in horror, but she is accepting of change and new people. She is my social butterfly, talking to almost anyone. She has had her father wrapped around her little finger since she was born, and has since wrapped every man who is in her life around the rest of her fingers.

She is a teenager in a little girl body, but still clings tightly to those she holds dear. The smallest in the house with the biggest attitude. She doesn't hold back on letting you know what she is thinking, even though you really don't want to know sometimes.

Happy birthday to my baby. My last baby is growing up and I look forward to seeing the woman she will become.