How on target the horoscope can be…

 

This is my horoscope for the day: Relationships can be quite odd -- they often develop minds of their own once they've been established! For the past few weeks, you've been trying to keep one of your own on its leash, but it hasn't been cooperating well, and it isn't getting any tamer. Whether it's platonic, romantic or professional, it's still a challenge to keep it out of the fire. Hang tough and see if you can work this out.

Both have minds of their own and are spiraling out of control.  One on a downward, one on an upward.  Neither of the people involved in these relationships seem to see the spiraling.  Maybe they do. Maybe they don’t want to admit being out of control.  Whatever it is that they feel, I can tell you that our relationships have a mind of their own, no matter how much I try to analyze and be in control. 

Hang tough huh?  How long exactly do you hang? Until your hands loose circulation and you fall from mere exhaustion?   The sweat is building up on my hands and I am losing my grip.  I hope I don’t lose myself by the time this is over. 

So glad this week is over

 

Monday I found out I failed at least half of my classes and would most likely lose my federal funding.  That in turn showed me who really knows me and cares about me.  Someone, somehow decided that I wanted to take a semester off and just responded, “Ok”.  Here I was, and this person, who says he loves and cares about me, says “Ok”.  There lies the breaking point in our relationship.

So now I have been pushed off the proverbial fence that I have been sitting on.  So then we decide, through texting, that  maybe it would be best to break up.  This news isn’t devastating to me, as I have seen it coming. Our relationship has been on life support for months. Really how much longer did we think it would continue?  Why does he  seem blind-sided by this?  Can anyone really be that oblivious?  Ok, he can. 

So how do you break up with someone when you own a house together, a car and share a bank account?  This I can’t tell you yet.  I really need to find an answer because I believe he has forgotten the many conversations of the last week and is continuing like normal.  May I just say, WTF?!  Seriously?! Wow!

why?

Right now I should be doing so many other things than what I am doing. I have all these things to say to two different people and really can't say anything to either. I have questions to ask but maybe I really don't want the answers. Either way, asking or telling, once they are out of my mouth could change everything for a lot of people.

I have analyzed cues, scenarios and situations. I have soul searched and pondered what it would be like without either of these two people in my life and what it would be like with them both in different roles. I have made decisions, came up with a game plan and totally backed out because of the what if's. I have evaluated every cue, scenario and situation by what they could or couldn't mean. I have only managed to become more confused.

So now I am taking note of the times that just feel right. Weighing the pros and cons of both of these people and observing. So matters of the heart shouldn't be based scientific evidence or facts. There is too much at stake for things just to be out there blowing in the breeze.

complicated

So why do things go along nice and smoothly. I resolve myself to the fact that this is the way its gonna be, then BAM he throws me for a loop. Heart to hearts are had and I am back to wanting what I can't have. My resolve is washed away along with what's left of my sanity.

Everytime those 4's come up my life gets a little more complicated. If it's the angels, say what you mean or leave me alone. Why dangle something in my face when I can't have it? Where is my white picket fence and happily ever after? Do I really want that to begin with? Hell, I have no idea at this point.

I do know that I get bored easily and need someone to keep things exciting. I need someone who can stand up to me when I start to get out of control or roar too loud about stupid things. That person won't be perfect or worship me, I so don't want that. I want flaws and all because then I won't feel the pressure to live up to such high standards. I want...

So what do you do when you fall in love with someone you can't have and don't even know for certain that they love you back? I suppose I will keep playing the game until it all comes to a head or someone gives in and declares game over.

Mother's Day 2010

Mother's Day is the day to honor our mother's. Maybe it should be to honor the women who are not our mothers, but are just as important. These are the aunt's, sisters, and other women who care for us, guide us, share in our ups and downs. These women understand us and want the best for us. Sounds like a mom to me.

I lost my mom when I was 21. Long before then, my sister was a lot like my mom. Where my mom slipped up, she caught me. I love my mom, I really do, but I think of my sister as more of my mom. She was my rock when things in her life were off kilter but I needed her. She made sure there was always a roof over my head, and my children's, and plenty of food. Even though she had two children of her own, my children and I, were just as important.

She was at both of my weddings, not agreeing with either, mind you. But she was there. She was at the birth of my first child, she was actually the first to hold her. When both of my marriages went into the toilet, she was there to catch me and help me steady myself.

She was there when our parents passed. The rock who knew what to do. Her life was hard, really hard. She was my role model and my hero. And I love her very much. I don't know where I would be without her. Thank you Wanda.