How do things get out of control before you know it? How can you be in the middle of something and not know your there until it hits you like a brick wall? Am I really in the middle of something or is it all in my head? Are there signs that I am imagining or missing? These are the questions I have and the only one who has answers, I can’t ask.
Everything was in their respective compartments until it hit me one day just driving home. Things are still in their compartments, just not neatly.
Things are getting messier by the day and I can’t stop it. As a matter of fact, I think I keep making them worse without meaning to.
So how much of “my gut is saying one thing and my head is saying another” do I believe? I have been spending the last 6 months working on opening myself up and trusting my instincts. So if I should go by my gut then something is starting. Where it is going, I don’t know, nor do I want to at this point. That fact would open up too many cans of worms and hurt far too many people for me to be comfortable with. If it’s all in my head then eventually things will even out and all will be good. I can enjoy the best of both worlds until it runs its course.
So I have decided that I will let it go. Adopt a wait and see attitude, if you will. I will try to start on that wall that I have had for years, than for some stupid reason, ripped down. It’s harder to put up the second time, but I think I can do it. I just don’t know how those who were once allowed in will feel when they find out that there will now be a door and secret knock to get in.
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