full moons, winter solstice & lunar eclipses

The full moon brings something out in me, or should I say makes me look inward each month. A time to re-evaluate my life from month to month. This full moon brings much more introspection. Maybe because its the end of another year? Whatever it is, I am definitely in some kind of introspective funk.

Have I done any good this month, or year? Am I a better person than I was in January? These are some of the questions that have been popping into my head all day. Lunar pull or hormonal pull? Whatever the reason, it is here so I may as well go with the flow.

I don't think I am a bad person per say. My ethics and morals don't always meet with the norm, but I really try to harm no one, while living and loving to the fullest. As a text book Leo, I tend to protect those I love. When you hurt me, you have lost me. I have hurt people this year, not on purpose, but have hurt them none-the-less. I have fallen in love and out of love this year. I think the out of love may have begun last year, but it really hit me in 2010.

I have become more confident at my job. More willing to take on new challenges and know that I will succeed and where my strengths lie. I feel like an adult now. Let's clarify that. I feel like an adult in my career. I know I won't be doing this forever and I haven't given up on school. For the moment though, I really do love my job. Some days I wonder, but I know it won't last forever and all crises will come to an end.

In growing in my career, I have neglected some other aspects of my life. I won't say neglected, just not as much effort has been put into being a mommy , my spiritual growth or even being a BFF. I apologize profusely to those who have suffered from this lack and will try to do better in the coming year. I tend to have tunnel vision until I become bored with something. Bare with me please and don't let me forget whats truly important.

I am also asking for clarity this evening and for the coming year. Clarity to see through situations that aren't the best for me. I want to be able to have a conversion and agreement of head, heart and spirit. I want to learn from every relationship and to be able to teach too. I realize I am still learning and yet have lessons to teach those who are willing to learn from mine.

I can look around me and see those who are still in my life after years. Those who I drift away from and who have drifted away from me only to drift back to each other when we are most needed. I have learned to be there to catch them when they fall, but to give them the space and confidence to try. I have also learned those who are there for me when I fall and forgive me for my indiscretions. Those who really count, don't say I told you so, just very gently remind me when I am making the same mistake again. For those people, I love you and are eternally grateful for your presence in my life.