The closing of the door

As the old saying goes, “When one door closes, another opens” Sometimes its a window but the door is still shut. 

It hurts. No matter how bad things were, it still hurts.  There was something there, no matter how small. 
We were happy in our little world. You were my knight in shining armor. Helping me through tough times, really tough times. You were all I had. I cried to you. The only man I have ever wanted to see me cry. You held me and and told me it would all be ok. You bought me trail mix and made me smile.  Your childlike innocence mixed with a man finding his way was like a breath of fresh air in a stagnant room.

I forced you into a position you weren’t ready for. You grudgingly came along. Like a child thrown into the deep end, you struggled,  flailing about looking for help.  I assumed you could swim and dove into save you to late.

I am so sorry for the pain I have caused, but am grateful for the joy I have experienced.  I am thankful for your friendship, for the sacrifices you have made for my children and me.  I am sorry for pushing you into being someone you aren’t and not giving you the space to find out who you really are. 

You have taught me to be comfortable with myself. You never made fun of me or picked me apart, as I did you. You supported me in my soul searching ventures.  You found a way to get me things that I wanted, only to be tossed aside when I finally got them.  Never satisfied with what I had with you.

I let the outside world creep in and ruin it.  By the time I realized it the damage had been done.  I put up the walls and don’t know how to take them down.  I would like to, I really would, but I don’t know how.  Maybe in a few years it will come back.  When we both grow up some more.  When we find out who we are as individuals.  How can we compliment each other when we don’t know ourselves as individuals? 

To quote Rascal Flatts,”My wish for you is that life becomes all that you want it to…” You will always have a piece of my heart, and be my friend.  I want you to be involved in my kids lives if that is what you want.  You have been in our lives for five years and hope it is much longer.