Where are my babies?

It has recently been brought to my attention that my baby is going to turn 10 this year. Don't get me wrong, I know her age, but it really sunk in that she is going to be 10! She is the youngest of four and was the tiniest.

I don't think I really appreciate each stage that they go through until it's gone. I always look to the next age and focus on the challenges until BAM! ten years has passed and I want my babies back. Day to day life seems all encompassing until there are too many "I wish I would have"s and "I will get to it next year"s.

All of my kids are good people, have normal problems that come with finding out who they are and what they want from life. I am still trying to know myself and guide them through their problems.

It was so much easier when a freezy pop, hugs and kisses, and a wet paper towel could fix most problems. Now there are tears that can't be dried up by anything and problems that stretch the vast array of personalities that they all have. I am the loaner of money and keeper of traditions, the sounding board and cheerleader.

Motherhood has changed from physically exhausting to emotionally draining. I look to them now for advice. I want the biggest problem to be which footy pajamas to wear not do these pants make my butt look big.

So this is Christmas

I pulled off another year of "OMG"s, "I got everything I wanted" and "I love it"s. I should know by now that it always works, even in the most slim of years. I work myself into a panic and stay up til all hours of the night, cleaning, wrapping and worrying about it being enough.

Somehow Christmas has become about the things and how much of them you have. I realize that my kids are always happy with the things they get as long as I listen to what they want. This year my kids only ask for one or two things, I got those things and all is right with the world!

Now that the last minutes of Christmas are upon me, I am sad to see it go, but so happy that the girls are happily dreaming on the couch and Brett is playing smash bros. (again). We all slipped into a coma at some point today, dreaming of the presents we got and the people we love.

The only thing missing today was Jenn and all the kids. Our day was dampened just a little knowing that all wasn't happy and peaceful where they were. We miss them and want them to have happy memories of Christmas just like we do (Although it hasn't always been like that).

Well sweet dreams, and happy memories til next year Christmas. We will look forward all year to seeing you again, to the decorating, and music, and parties and loved ones that we only seem to see on Christmas. I will not miss the panic or trying to pull money out my ass to get the one perfect gift. Good night Christmas '09!!!!

where did Christmas go?

I have always loved Christmas, even during bad marriages to complete assholes. I just can't seem to get into the Christmas spirit. I have listened to Christmas music, watched the shows, baked cookies, there is even 2 feet of snow outside my window, still nothing. Most of my shopping is done, none of the wrapping, so it isn't the stress of not having presents. My tree is up with only a few ornaments and the rest of the decorations are in totes and boxes in the middle of my living room floor.

Last year, I got into the spirit after Christmas. What kind of sense does that make? Well I have 3 days to sing the songs and watch the shows. Three days to finish the shopping, clean the house and finish the tree. I want to go to Cara's class party and bake cookies, all sorts of cookies, but it won't happen. Bah humbug. It makes me sad to search for the joy that Christmas has always brought me and never find it.